bevel tells me im doing very poorly.
at night i heard grinding teeth of one of my roommates. on repeat.
the shaking of an entire bed as one moves their sleeping position.
and my heart beats ever faster.
im waiting for my death or rebirth and its only one way or the other.
i cant sleep. and i would dream. i would dream about things that mess up my perception of reality. what is real and what is not.
to fight or not to fight. to be or not to be.
the very concept of loss, on both spiritual and physical level, bogs me down. it weighs me.
someone asked about my sexual orientation. why?
i see the most immoral human beings climb atop to rule the world that is currently being ruled by people who are slightly less if not equally immoral. what is the fate of our future? what button are we pressing? is it to strip away our soul or to empower them?
our actualization is halted from degeneration, inconsistency of ideology fooled by lies. lies and lies and lies. we are being played. we are about to be played by worse people. and i know those people.
and those pranksters reside around me and i have no choice to separate my vessel from them. those jokers whose only occupation is to mock distainly at thinkers who are in pain, who are trying to find light. and they drag his clothes so he could be stepped on.
this pithole is pathetic and i need to scream. i scream i run i climb and i need to prove to myself that one day i can traverse within Andorra and many places, knowing that creation is spontaneous everywhere, knowing we are still alive and not souless, knowing we can still expand no matter how dark the world currently is. where we can grow exponentially, yet carefully, to tread on the ultimate path to understand and harness everything at our disposal beyond this Earth.
And I need to be a part of this movement. My present is stochastic since I already reside in the storm. Yes i reentered the storm where I once was. I am not leaving until I learned to fight it. Fight it to the death.
And I don't want to look down at anyone. Because I would only be looking up. Ready to take down the people flying above me. One by one. Fight them to the death.
All of them. I mean all of them.